Flowers in the Attic, Part 12 - or "You Mean You Little Fuckers Could Have Left This Whole Time?!"

 

   Hello again, let's get into it! 

    In the last chapter, the four idiots had been creeped on, shaved and starved for two weeks...and now they're going swimming - hurray! 

Cathy and Chris climb down the rope ladder (they keep calling it that - it's a bunch of sheets tied together) and sneak out to the small swimming hole that their mother told them was near by. 

Sorry - I'm still stuck on the fact that one of them could have left and gotten help in the three years they'd been up there and yet none of them thought of that. 

When they get to the lake, Chris's first question - of course - is if they're going to skinny dip, and at this point I keep thinking I've reached my limit of being disgusted by everything this kid says, and yet... 

Cathy shoots him down and they both dive in wearing their underwear (though Cathy makes a point in saying she still doesn't own a bra so I'm guessing she either just kept her shirt on or she's got an undershirt or something? Unclear) Chris decides to remind us he's an asshole and stay under the water so long that Cathy thinks he drowned - nice thing to do when you've both lost a family member in a tragic accident recently. 

So Cathy freaks out - he pulls her under the water, sings a creepy song about a ballerina - usual stuff you'd expect. While they're laying on the grass afterward, talking and looking at the stars, and Cathy's gotta make it weird and talk about how her brother is all wet and glistening and details about how his body is changing, all the way down to the "hillock of his maleness before his strong thighs, starting to swell." 

...just gagged a little there. 

They talk about where there mother might be - seeing as she's been visiting them less and less and didn't show up once during the weeks they were starving to death. Chris, as usual tries to defend her, saying that, maybe she's sick or on a business trip for her father, but Cathy rightly shuts him down at every turn. Good on ya. Why is Cathy the only one with a brain in here? Chris gets all pissy about it, because he doesn't want to start doubting her, but Cathy asks if he still loves and trusts her as much as always. He tries to insist that where ever Momma is, she's thinking about them and - listen - I've read three of these books and I can assure you... no she's probably not. 

When they get back to the house, Cathy makes the argument I did in the beginning of this that they could leave and get help - not go back up to the attic at all - and Chris....ignores her and climbs back to the roof. Okay, guess that's the end of that for a while? There's almost some tension when Cathy has trouble climbing back up to the roof and is actually relieved to be back in the attic but- again - why aren't you more concerned your brother doesn't want to go for help? Ugh. 

The next chapter opens with Cathy cutting out pictures from magazines and planning for the future, daydreaming about having an emerald tub that she can fill with perfumed oil and soak in all day. It's things like this that really make it hard to feel any sympathy for this character. It's not just that she's fantasizing about her future life it's just that the things she imagines are weird and shows she really hasn't grown much as a character despite the years going by. She just always comes off as spoiled and vain. 

Anyway, she tries to ask Chris about their mother again and want to escape with the rope ladder now that they're not starving anymore. This really feels like it should have come earlier.

Chris bites her head off, because he's an asshole, and keeps staring out the window. Cathy's first impulse when he's in a bad mood is to start kissing and caressing him and putting his head in her breasts like their mother would. (-gag-) but holds off, because she realizes that it's Momma he wants and misses. That does not make it better. This entire family still has huge boundary issues that I'm sure I've ranted about before but - oh my God. 

They talk wistfully about wanting to go somewhere warm where harsh wind never blows and the sea is warm without any big waves and then Cathy asks Chris to move away from the window again, because they're not supposed to open the drapes or look outside in case someone sees them. Chris flips out again and starts shouting that they can't leave and get help because where would they go - they have nothing - he'd never get into med school and be stuck supporting a family of four at sixteen and... Dude, go to the police. No one's suggesting you just try to live on your own. Go to the cops and have these people arrested and I assure you your lives will be infinitely better. 

Instead the Grandmother comes in and yells at Chis to get away from the window - and he rounds on her, causing her to rehash all the reasons she hates them because of what their parents did that we already read about in part one. Chris full unloads on her, giving the Grandmother a "Reason you suck" speech and calls her out on what she's doing. Almost makes me like him. But not quite. 

The Grandmother storms out of the room and comes back with a willow switch and tells them that if they try to hide in the attic they wont eat for another week and then she'll whip Chris, Cathy and the twins as well. She drags Chris into the bathroom and makes him strip down (because her "no looking at people of the opposite sex" rule doesn't apply to her, I guess) and the twins come out of the attic right as she starts whipping him. Cathy tries to shield the two of them on the bed while screaming bloody murder while Chris doesn't make a sound. 

When she's finished, the Grandmother orders her to be quiet and when Cathy doesn't stop screaming she drags her off the bed toward the bathroom. The twins run to try and protect her (Cory biting at the Grandmother's legs again - I'm convinced this kid is actually a chihuahua) but but the Grandmother flings them aside and pulls Cathy into the bathroom and makes her undress. 

    " 'I am going to get even one day, old woman... There's going to come a day when you're going to be the helpless one, and I'm going to hold the whip in my hands.... God sees everything, and he has his way of working justice, an eye for an eye in his way Grandmother!' " 

Keep all this in mind, it will definitely come up in the next book. 

And honestly, Cathy screaming her revenge to the heavens is kind of awesome. Part of me wishes we got to see more of this side of her than the part that takes after their mom. 

The Grandmother, however, is not as impressed and starts beating the shit out of her while the twins scream from outside the bathroom for Chris to protect her. When the willow switch breaks, the Grandmother grabs a hairbrush and starts beating her with it, finally hitting her in the side of the head and causing her to black out. 

I just need to address that I normally don't talk about abuse this casually but... honestly, the descriptions aren't that strong and even though it's from Cathy's POV, it's still really not as intense as it could be and you don't really feel any danger for any of them. 

When Cathy comes-to, Chris is treating her injuries and has soothing ballet music playing. Both of them are naked and I'll let it slide this time since they're both covered in open wounds that haven't been patched up yet. (But Chris is on thin ice) He sent the twins up into the attic so they could avoid seeing the worst of this. 
It's when they start cuddling under the sheets - not having put anything on even when the cuts and bruises were taken care of - and Cathy mentions her breasts a few more times - that I start getting really squicked out again. Seriously - people with siblings, what are your thoughts on all this? Because I'm grossed out. 

Chris starts kissing her and for once Cathy actually puts up an argument, saying that this was what the Grandmother thought they did and that it's wrong. Chris blows that off saying "there's more to love-making than kissing" and - bro - you're still not supposed to have naked cuddles and make-outs with your sister. 

Cathy drifts off while thinking overly romantic things and I'm gonna go take a very long shower and maybe feel clean again sometime next century. 

Flowers in the Attic, Pt. 11 - or " The Part Where it Gets Weird"

Hey welcome back

See what happens when I get ambitious and recap three chapters a month?
In my (weak) defense, I did attempt to write this several times over the last year, but I never had my book on hand.


As promised, we begin part two with things getting immediately more bonkers.

Clearly Cathy was just as bored with the first half of the book as we were, because the first sentence of part two is that two more years went by. I guess nothing significant happened in that entire time. Whatever, I don't have to read about it, so it's fine by me.

By this time, all the kids have gotten pretty careless about what they do in that room. They have clothes thrown everywhere, and the twins have toys all over the room, they don't always put on bathrobes on and lay around in their pajamas and don't really care when someone of the opposite sex sees them in the bathroom - things like that. Honestly, they've been locked in one (actually two if you count the attic) room for three years. It's bound to happen. I don't fault any of them for that.

I do fault them for this next bit, however.

Cathy's moving into her teen years and has never really gotten a good look at her body.
You can see where this is going.

One day when they others are up in the attic, Cathy goes into the main bedroom (bathroom mirror's too small) and decides to do just that. While she's admiring herself in the big vanity mirror... um... this happens... :

'A rippling sensation on the back of my neck gave me the awareness that someone was near, and watching. I whirled about suddenly to catch Chris standing in the deep shadows of the closet. Silently he'd come from the attic. How long had he been there? Had he seen all the silly, immodest things I'd done?... He stood frozen. A queer look glazed his blue eyes, as if he'd never seen me before without my clothes on - and he had, many a time....

His eyes lowered from my flushed face down to my breasts, then lower, and lower, and down to my feet before they traveled upward ever so slowly.' 

GET AWAY FROM HER - YOU CREEPY, FUCKING FUCK!

She rightfully asks him to go away and stop staring at her... he ignores her. Great. What's worse is when she starts to cover herself he tells her not to and asks when she got so beautiful...and I just threw up a little.

Tell me something - I'm an only child but - people with siblings - how does this kind of thing make you feel? My best guess would be "icky"

And naturally, this is when The Grandmother decides to walk in. I swear, she's got cameras in there or something.

She accuses them of all the usual thing and Chris retorts that they haven't done anything and... listen, we the readers know that's true (at the moment) but I kind of have to side with Gramma on this one. This doesn't look great.

When she's done yelling back and forth with Chris, The Grandmother turns on Cathy and starts accusing her of vanity and whatnot - specifically mentioning her hair, and I think we all can tell where this is going.

When she leaves the room for a minute, Chris turns on Cathy, demanding to know what she was doing and telling her that they all knew The Grandmother spies on them (see - cameras. Told you.) but - excuse me, the real problem here is mostly from you watching her - you creepy fucking fuck! 

I'm sorry about just how many rage gifs are going to be in this post. It's really the only way I can express just how pissed off this makes me...

-ahem- sorry.

The twins wander down from the attic, and I'm only mentioning it because shit starts getting crazy real fast and I don't remember them having any reaction to it -but I could be misremembering.

The Grandmother comes back into the room carrying the world's biggest pair of scissors....

She tells Cathy to sit her ass down (okay she doesn't use those words) and that she's going to cut her hair off down to the scalp. Cathy reacts badly, thinking that it's her worst fear (I find it very hard to feel any sympathy towards this girl) and that she'd rather be whipped because her skin would heal. She's had nightmares about The Grandmother coming into their room and cutting off her hair and her breasts (Okay- yikes) and points out that The Grandmother never actually looks at her completely, she always seems to be glaring at a part of her she doesn't like and wants to remove it.

That's actually pretty insightful - I just wish it was in a better book. 

Chris tries to get Cathy to run into the bathroom and hide, but she's too scared to move. He tells The Grandmother she wont be touching a single hair on Cathy's head, and Gramma takes this about as well as you'd expect, saying that none of them will eat until Cathy cuts her hair off, and Chris will be the one to have to do it. 

Cathy, considering there are three other people in that room with you - two of which are very young children, maybe just cut your fucking hair off and save everyone a lot of grief? 

Still, they're not too worried yet, figuring that their mother will come see them any minute and they'll explain what's going on. Cathy has a bout of nightmares ranging from Hansel and Gretel candy house  ("...the shrubbery of ice-cream cones, seven flavors." ) with The Grandmother as the witch, to their mother turning into some kind of Medusa-style monster strangling them all with her hair so they'll never be a threat to her inheritance. I think Cathy's finally starting to get the big picture. And it only took her three years.

She wakes up feeling drugged and her head feeling weighted down. That's probably not a good thing.
In fact, when she tries to sit up her whole body feels pretty numb and useless and she has a splitting headache. I'm really surprised she hasn't mentioned the smell yet...

(For a bit of IRL context here, my apartment complex recently repaved all the roads and everything - everything - stunk to the high heavens for longer than I care to remember. I don't believe that this child could wake up to what's about to happen and not immediately notice something is wrong and/or throw up)

Without all of VC's flowery language building up to it - Cathy's head is covered in tar.
That was the Grandmother's solution. Don't want to cut your hair? Tar.Where did she even get the tar? Who just has hot tar lying around their giant mansion?

For some reason, whenever I read this I seem to forget that tar is, well, tar - and it takes me a minute to think "hey - why isn't that stuff all over the bed instead of just on her hair?" "Why hasn't she been badly burned by said hot tar?" "Why didn't her siblings wake up when they smelled the aforementioned hot tar???" because, really, none of these things are addressed. Cathy acts like it's gum or something - albeit a lot of gum, but still. There should be more questions raised here.

So Cathy is still groggy from whatever the Grandmother drugged her with, but manages to wake up Chris and the twins. Carrie instantly starts yelling and making it about her, saying she "doesn't like [Cathy's] head now" and I want to throw that child into a wall.

What follows is an agonizingly long scene of all the ways Chris tries to get the tar out of Cathy's hair without cutting it. Because God forbid. The conclusion they come to is for Chris to cut off her "front hair" and no matter how many reviews of this book I read, no one seems to be able to figure out just what that means.
But anyway, they cut off her "front hair" and then wrap the rest of her head up in a towel so that The Grandmother will think that Cathy is just ashamed of her horrible baldness (I guess?) and not - y'know - rip the towel off and cut the rest of her hair.

So outside of all of this, they haven't received any food for that day and only have some cheese and crackers left. The Grandmother keeps her word about not letting any of them eat until Cathy cuts her hair - although she never actually comes to check. All I'm saying is, either she really does have cameras in there, or she's fucking with them. 

So days go by and they run out of food down to the cheese in the mouse traps and are living on nothing but tap water. They run out of toothpaste, soap, and toilet paper and have to use the old books from up in the attic. The toilet backs up and they have to deal with that themselves too, hiding the soiled towels and bedsheets from mopping it up in the old trunks. Unfortunately, this is - again - slightly something I can relate to a little too closely, having lived in a few places that just had the worst plumbing ever. 

Too real. 

Days go by as the four of them can barely move and just sleep or lay in front of the TV for hours. At one point, Cathy remembers seeing Chris slash open his arm and start feeding the twins his blood. Suddenly making this a vampire or cannibal story would really improve this entire series. 

Two weeks go by like this and they finally realize that they'll die if they don't get out or if their Mother never comes back. They decide to make a rope ladder and climb out the attic window with the twins tied to their backs, but realize that they're too weak to do so. Y'know you guys might have decided to do something sooner. 

Chris the Vampire Overlord decides they can eat the mice they'd caught in the traps and that will give them energy (ew) and when he goes back down to the bedroom for salt and pepper (no comment) and finds the picnic basket overflowing with food. Along with the soup and milk and sandwiches is a foil wrapped packet containing four powdered donuts.

They go downstairs, Cathy confirming that now they finally realized that they were the only ones responsible for each other and that their mother really didn't care about them anymore. Guys, it's been three years. It took you being starved and neglected for three weeks to finally get that? 

So the first thing Cathy does is go to look in the mirror to see how much of a skinny, weird-haired circus freak she looks like, and low and behold the mirror is gone! ( -insert monotone screaming-) They look in the bathroom and the one on the dressing table and both of those are broken. Cathy goes on to say that she didn't need to wonder why the Grandmother had done all that....and then goes on to explain it anyway. Pride is sinful - blah blah - you know the drill by now. 

So things start going back to whatever they might consider normal at that point - no more hair-tar and starving to death, at least - and there's some awkward, really pointless conversation and a monopoly tournament that I'm ungodly grateful we don't have to hear about, and then Cathy and Chris decide to sneak down the rope ladder and go swimming. 

You mean....you could have left....at ANY TIME?

....

....

Flowers in the Attic, part 10 - or "Puberty makes everything weird when you live in a shoebox"

The next chapter starts off with Cathy saying that for the next three months it was too cold to go up into the attic, so she and her siblings spent all their time in front of the TV their mother had given them. In a way this makes sense, but it's the 50's and there really weren't any good movies yet, so this sounds unbearable to me. (I hate the sound of the television, honestly. It just gets really grating after a while. This room would make me nuts)

From there, she could on to say that in April she'll be turning thirteen and the people on TV had warned them all what to expect in their awkward teen years.

She moves on to say that she's noticed Chris staring at her chest.

At least this is consistent with the last bit we read?

Chris also catches her in the bathroom pulling out armpit hairs with tweezers. First of all - OW

He tells her to stop fighting to look "childishly neat" and "start thinking of those hairs as sexy."

This is gonna be another chapter where I need to pause every few lines and question my life choices.
On the other side of the puberty argument, Chris starts having wet dreams, and when Cathy calls him out on it, tells her that her time for messing up beds is coming and their mother should get around to explaining all that to her.
Hey Chris, can you stop making everything you say sound misogynistic? Seriously, not only does he act all high-and-mighty because he knows something about his sister's body that she doesn't, but the way he phrases it is just so damn rude...

Again, I'm probably over thinking it, but something about this character makes my blood boil.

I hate the 50's.

Right after talking about the less savory aspects of the two of them going through puberty, she starts talking about the five year olds in the room.

Look, I don't know if VC Andrews was doing this kind of stuff on purpose or if she was just really bad at segueing to different subjects, but I'm noticing. And it's weird.

Carrie is apparently in the habit of talking to her dolls constantly as she plays with them, still always wanting to hear the sound of her own voice. Cory is perpetually building things with tinker toys and slamming them together to also make as much noise as possible. Paired with the TV being on all the time, Cathy has successfully described my personal Hell.

One day, as the beginning of the chapter hinted at, Corrine does come in with "a large package" (how big were pads in 1950? Did you really need a huge box for them?) and Chris takes the twins up to the attic so they don't have to hear about gross womanly things, and Cathy gets the period talk. Cathy is actually hoping that her mother explains love and sex to her as well, and is severely disappointed when she doesn't. That conversation is going to have to happen someday, Corrine, and your daughter is horny as Hell. You might as well get on with it.
Cathy gives her mom a polite "no thank you" and tries to explain that she's not planning to have kids so she doesn't need to know any of this. Corrine clearly neglected to mention that this happens whether you like it or not. She also, when Cathy asks if it hurts, says there is "a little crampy pain" and as someone who has passed out several times due to that "little crampy pain" I would like to give her a hearty:

I really don't know why this chapter is hitting so many of my berserk buttons today, but man, is it ever.

Cathy tries to argue again and Corrine asks if she wants to be a child forever. Cathy has a bit of a crisis over that, because while she wants to be a woman, she doesn't really like all the "messiness" that comes with it.

" 'And Cathy, please don't be ashamed, or embarrassed, or dread a little discomfort, and the trouble - having babies is babies is very rewarding.'"

Big talk coming from a woman who locked her kids in one room to keep them from ruining her evil schemes to inherit an obscene fortune.


"' Someday you'll fall in love and marry and you'll want to give your husband children - if you love him enough.'" 

...

 Wow there's a lot to unpack there, isn't it? First of all, fuck this woman. Second of all, fuck the 1950's and the goddamn mindset that still hangs around to this goddamn day.

Third of all, did Corrine kind of just admit that she had her kids because her husband wanted them? Nothing in that inspirational bit of rhetoric of hers said anything about if the woman wants kids. She basically just said that "if you don't give your husband children when he wants them, you don't love him enough."

I.... I gotta sit down after that one.

Never in my life have I been happier to be a demisexual lesbian with a deep aversion to the very idea of pregnancy.

 Cathy asks what kind of painful indignities Chris will have to go through to become a man and is very disappointed that there really isn't. So am I, Cathy. Corrine also adds that Cathy shouldn't be afraid if her period starts out of nowhere like when she's asleep or dancing, and says that her own mother told her absolutely nothing about any of this and I need to put this here:

Despite the subject matter, Cathy is actually very grateful for such a warm and open moment with her mom, since it's not only been a long time since she's visited, but also since she'd felt really invested in her children. However, as soon as Chris and the twins come back downstairs, that gap between them reappears as Corrine only seems to give any kind of affection to Chris (ignoring the twins entirely) and Cathy is left feeling very empty. The twins climb into her lap and she acts as a mother to them instead, feeling that they haven't changed at all in all the time they'd been in that room.

"As Chris and I moved on into puberty, the twins stagnated, went nowhere."

This is a really heavy chapter once you get down to the meat of it.



After a page break, Cathy talks about birthdays coming and going, most notably the twin's sixth birthdays where Cory gets a bunch of instruments that he can play instantly and already make up full songs. Okay, this kid is a prodigy. If you're worried about money, why not let the kids out of the attic and take that one on tour?
Corrine notes that Cory must have gotten his musical talent from her own brothers who died an icy death in a deep frozen chasm and/or dangerous mountain pass.
Think I'm joking? Check this shit out:

" '...Both of my brothers were musicians...[her brother Mal] would escape the life he hated by riding up into the mountains on his motorcycle. ...One day he took a curve too fast in the rain. He careened off the road and crashed down hundreds of feet into a chasm.' " 

" [Her younger brother Joel] had been killed in a skiing accident in Switzerland. ...He had fallen into some deep ravine filled with snow, and to this day we never found his body." 

No one can just die in this book, huh?

Also remember that bit about her brother's body never being found. I swear to God, it comes back later.


With that happy bit of information in hand, Chris and Cathy go up to the attic to try and teach the twins to read and write. It goes about as well as can be expected, but at least it gives them all something else to do.


With summer coming, they start spending more time laying around in the attic on an old mattress in front of the window trying to catch any kind of a breeze. They have a chat about nudity being or not being sinful and about the human body (Cathy mentions she's on her period and wants to know if that grosses Chris out) and I can't really find any reason it's particularly relevant to what's happening because next they wonder about why their mother keeps them locked up. This is something that could have and should have been touched upon much sooner than this.
Cathy suspects that Chris loves their mother too much to see any flaws in what she's doing and he even admits that out loud.

The chapter - and the first section of the book - ends with Corrine reporting that her father does seem to be getting worse and it shouldn't be much longer. Cathy goes to their big wall calendar and crosses off the day.

They've been in the attic for a full year. Two more to go!



And we are officially done with Part One!

I promise part two has (a little bit) more going on!

But that's next time

Flowers in the Attic Pt. 8 - or "The Most Horrible Time of the Year"

.... I have no excuses, really. Sometimes I just get really tired of talking about this book.


So it is approaching the next chapter ("Holidays") that I finally notice the chapters themselves are not numbered. That makes my job both easier and harder all at once.

Either way this chapter begins with the attic children getting ready for their first (but certainly not last) holiday season in confinement. Cathy opens up telling us about the amaryllis plant from their mother that's supposed to bloom around Christmas (that their mother said "No - of COURSE we wont be here that long!") and then proceeds to talk about the Thanksgiving decorations they've set up in preparation for the big meal. Their mother assures them that she'll bring up some of Thanksgiving dinner for them so that they can actually eat something different for a change (not to mention something actually hot.)

Let's see how that goes wrong, because this is a book where even something like getting fed on time has to have some sort of inconvenience or misfortune. That's just the kind of story this is.

So they wait around for about three hours, not letting anyone eat because "Momma will be bringing us special hot food" and again, what is with the dialogue in this book? Maybe it's because I haven't looked at this in a while but - ye Gods - it gets worse every time I do!

It's 3:00 when their mother finally shows up, apologizing and saying that her father decided at the last minute he wanted to eat with the family at the table so that made it harder for her to sneak away and prepare some extra food for her kids.

Real talk now - the Grandmother knows their up there, she couldn't give Corrine a hand with this? She already feeds them - what makes this so big a leap? I'm just saying.

So they say a speedy grace and Chris starts divvying up the portions - giving the twins really small amounts because they hate everything, Cathy gets a medium size, and Chris takes huge portions for himself, because he is a raging dickbag. Also the food is cold by the time they get it.


The twins begin turning into a pair of spoiled, bratty little demons again (shocker, I know) saying that they don't like cold food (please see the recap about raisin bran for debate on that) and we get probably the weirdest exchange so far (well, that's a tough call) :

"The brown stuff is called gravy and it's delicious. And Eskimos love cold food."
"Cathy do Eskimos like cold food?"
"I don't know, Carrie. I guess they'd better like it, or starve to death."

Oh hey, we're getting into this part of the drinking game early!

- Racism! 

Seriously, what the actual Hell, VC? - also, pretty sure Inuits would cook whatever they hunted, but I'm no Chris Dollanganger trying to read dictionaries to get into med school, so what the hell do I know?

After Thanksgiving the twins both get sick and are stuck in bed for weeks. This is one of the few times Corrine seems to notice and fusses over them throughout most of it. Everyone, Corrine included, seems to think they should be taken to a doctor in case they have the flu and because they don't seem to be getting better the more time goes on.
Grandma shuts this down, saying that colds only last nine days ("Three to come, three to stay, three to leave") and worrying about them is pointless and really makes me believe this woman would be an anti-vaxxer in a current AU.

Needless to say, they were sick nineteen days and after that, never quite recovered completely.


At this point, Cathy's getting restless and fed up with being locked in one room at the mercy of the germs and sickroom air. Again, can't really blame her. Their mother suggests they take vitamins and, Corrine, that's really not the point here. (Your kids are locked in one room and eat the same thing every single day - you'd think that might have come up before now)
Cathy fights back against all this, wanting to know how much longer they were going to stay locked up there.

"Do you expect me to kill my father?" 

I mean, if you think that would speed things along...




Christmas fast approaches and we get a couple pages of the Dolls getting ready and making things for each other and wondering what the first Christmas in the attic will be like. Chris also gets the bonkers idea of making the Grandmother a gift to try and win her over (which I'm pretty sure is breaking another rule of hers, but whatever. Points for trying)
On Christmas morning they wake up to find piles of presents and full stockings and real candy for the first time since they'd come to that house. ("There will be no trips to the dentist until your grandfather dies" I believe was the rule about that) Cathy goes on about all the gifts their mother brings them, pointing out that they all really only want one thing, and that's to get out of that goddamn room.

When the Grandmother comes in, Cathy gives her the present they made (some kind of picture done in collage with lace and beads - actually sounds pretty nice) and the Grandmother doesn't even look at it. Cathy gets upset,  calling them all fools for trying, and stomps the picture into oblivion. Very mature. 

Later their mother brings in this huge antique doll house that's been in her family for generations

Listen. I'm required to make this joke, okay?

and explains that it's an exact replica of the house, and all the furniture is also exact replicas and it's worth a "fabulous fortune" so... why are you not selling it to get your children away from your crazy family?
Just saying.

We get some more Christmas merriment - Corrine gives them a TV set that her father gave her and dodges any questions about if that means he loves her enough to put her back in his will - and Cathy informs us that there was nothing special in the picnic basket from the Grandmother - just month old turkey leftover from thanksgiving that still had ice on it - and she ends the chapter saying that chocolate sweetened the sourness of her roving wicked thoughts. It's lines like this that give me enough ammo to write more psych analysis on why everything in this book has to come off sounding weirdly sexual at the worst times.


That interesting note follows us right into the next chapter "The  Christmas Party" when Corrine comes in dressed in a  shimmering green gown that we'll hear about in great detail in the next book as well so I wont bore you with it. Cathy describes her smelling like
 "a musky, perfumed garden, on a moonlit night somewhere in the Orient"

- ignoring certain terminology, I really do have to ask, how the FUCK would you know what that smells like? You live in a shoebox!

She sees Chris drooling over their mom (ew) and hopes she looks like that someday with "all those swelling curves that men so admire" and I'm gonna take another "ew" for that one. Thanks.

 Corrine helps sneak Cathy and Chris out of the room and shows them a hiding spot in some kind of cabinet with a mesh back that overlooks the downstairs ballroom so they can watch the party for a while. I see this only going well.

They stare down at all the well-dress people, showing off how obscenely rich everyone is. And they are RICH - make no mistake! God forbid the reader not know the exact amount of their freaking wealth.
Since I really don't want to retype everything she describes, lets get some bullet points!

• three, five-tiered crystal and gold chandeliers
• Hundreds of richly dressed people
• servants in black and red uniforms
• Giant crystal fountain that sprayed out amber liquid into a silver bowl
• Huge gold framed mirrors that reflect the whole room
• the walls are even "gold-colored" so.... they're gold, is what you're saying
• "French chairs, of course- they just had to be Louis XIV or XV. Good-golly day!" 

I'm gonna be using this one a lot, aren't I?

Also since when was Cathy an expert on French Antique furniture? I'm only bringing it up because - well, she's twelve and lives in an attic - and also because I'm pretty damn sure she does this again later.

  More importantly than all of this nonsense, Chris and Cathy get their first ever look at their grandfather, who looks right up at the place where they're hiding as if he knows exactly what's going on. I'm betting that's not gonna come back later or anything.

 They also see their mother letting herself get groped by a young guy with a mustache and hear some conveniently times gossip about Corrine and said mustache.

 His name is Bart Winslow, he's their father's lawyer, and he's been making a pass at Corrine for a while - and she doesn't seem to mind in the least. From the descriptions from Cathy, it seems like the two of them are just making out and groping each other right in the middle of the ballroom. Hey kids - get a room that isn't this one!

For some reason everyone seems to know about Corrine eloping with her "half-uncle" (-shot-) and for the record, I'm pretty sure that's not a phrase human beings outside of this book actually use. The drunk people gossiping dish out some more exposition that we already know and then finally walk away and - I guess Chris and Cathy are just hiding out in that cabinet thing for hours and nothing else of import seems to happen because suddenly it's super late and they both have to go to the bathroom.

As soon as they get back to the room and deal with alltheir bathroom needs (side note: I read another recap of this book somewhere and the blogger also brought up the fact that VC Andrews has this weird fixation on people peeing or shitting - and honestly, I'm starting to notice that myself)  - Chris and Cathy begin to discuss seeing their mother with another man and wondering what that will mean for them. Cathy seems to think that they should be the only company their mother needs but Chris points out that people have sides of their personality you don't see and that of course she would want romance in her life again. He also calls his mother a "sexy young window"

They decide it's the perfect time to explore the house while everyone's distracted and their door is unlocked. So Chris finds a disguise up in the attic and sneaks out to go have a look around. But not before undressing his sister with his eyes and kissing her on the cheek.

"He seemed impressed and dazzled, just as he had when he'd gazed so long at Momma's swelling bosom above the green velvet bodice."

Alright, number one: stop talking about your mom's boobs. Number two - your brother shouldn't be looking at either you OR his mother that way. And three - this line that follows directly after that:

"No wonder he'd kissed me voluntarily - I was so princess-like!"

I can't stand this girl's ego, you guys. I can't even imagine how anyone could read through this and be like "Yes - this is our likable and relatable protagonist!" (I don't know if anyone did that, I'm just saying...)

So Chris leaves and Cathy goes to bed, thinking "Merry Christmas, Daddy" and - damn it, don't make me feel bad for this girl!

Chris's exploration will be looked at in the next chapter - I'll try not to wait five months before writing that one.

Flowers in the Attic, pt. 7 - or "Dear Lord the first half of this book is BORING"

Hello - it's been awhile because - once again - as much as I love picking on this book, I'm really tired of reading it.

I'm going to try and do more than one chapter per recap, since less seems to actually be happening for a while. At least for now. The significant events kind of all happen at once and, as of right now, there aren't too many.



In the last chapter, the kids were told why their mother was disinherited by her father and that they would have to wait in that locked room longer than they'd originally thought until Corrine can save up for an apartment for them.
Or win back her father's love.
Or until he dies.
This is around the time when there's a million potential outcomes and we, as readers, are pretty damn sure it's not going to be any of them.



Chapter seven is titled "Minutes like Hours" and is essentially Cathy explaining how they spent their time in the attic over the next two weeks or so.

Their mother did make good on her promise to bring them games, books, and books about games (bridge, particularly) and Chris and Cathy were easily entertained enough. Unfortunately, the twins had much shorter attention spans and it seemed like none of the fancy toys their mother brings them amuse them for very long.

She next goes into their morning routine, waking up early, getting washed and dressed and then waiting for The Grandmother to arrive with the picnic basket full of their food for the day. In the beginning she would also ask them for bible passages to make sure that they were reading it. She stops after Chris and Cathy keep finding lines like "Wherefore you have rewarded evil for good?" and "Great men are not always wise" and I really must admit, I liked this part. Just little petty little things to get back at Evil Grandma (TM) make me almost like these characters.

A couple of weeks go by and Cathy starts nagging Corrine about how much longer it will take to win back her father's love. Corrine's answer is about as vague as ever, and when Cathy asks what would happen if their Grandfather found out about them... well, it's honestly not very clear.

Y'see, the Grandmother already said that they would be good Christians and wouldn't just throw them out on the street (though considering the things she DOES do to them, I think getting the boot would be much nicer...) so... what could possibly happen to them? Corrine's worried about not being put back into the will, but if it's really a matter of having a place to live until she can get a job and set some money aside (spoiler: she doesn't) and just bearing with it temporarily ... well, can it really be much worse than what happens? I don't believe this is ever brought up again, by the way.

There's some more nothing talk about the attic and what they find in it, how they pass the time, and some really weird info about the twins. We get more of Carrie yelling and wining that she doesn't like things (I HATE this child!) and Cathy explaining that slowly she was becoming like a second mother to them, since their actual mother wasn't always around. There's also this weird bit about Carrie liking ruffly underwear and how she makes everyone look at them (kay....) and a more-than-necessary in-detail description of her getting the shits if she eats the wrong kind of fruit..... why did we need this? Either way, I had to know about it - so so do you.

The meat of this chapter seems to be when Corrine finally shows up again after not making an appearance all day (they kids are used to her spending her Sundays with them, you see) and when she finally shows up she's decked out in a sailing outfit and smelling of sunshine and fresh air and basically flaunting her freedom in their faces. Mom of the year, this one.

Cathy flips out at her, and once again, I really have to agree with her this time. If I'd been locked inside for weeks on end (involuntarily) I'd be pretty pissed off too. This little tantrum finally gets Corrine to fess up that, while the letter she got before they left was written by her mother, her father added a note at the end, saying that the only good thing about her marriage was that she hadn't created and "Devil's Issue" - which is a term you hear a lot in this series.  Alright so I guess the "what-if" of her telling him does come up again... (my bad, but my brain falls asleep reading this part)
So Corrine and the Grandmother plotted in secret to hide the kids in one room (plus attic) without the Grandfather knowing. Cathy suddenly realizes that Corrine has no intention of telling her father about them and their stuck their until he dies. Which is what pretty much everyone except Corrine has been telling them...

Thank you, Giles

She makes them promise to chill out and waste their lives a little longer because her father's going to goes toes up any day now - REALLY. Chris agrees, because of course he does, and Cathy doesn't really say anything else, knowing that there wouldn't really be much point to it.
So that's good.

Next chapter (and about a third into this book) finally brings in the titular "flowers" in the attic. They begin spending most of their time up there, trying to entertain the twins and themselves and after Cory says he misses the garden, they get the idea to turn the attic into one. They spend a week cleaning it up and their mother even helps them (which I'm really amazed at, seeing as that means getting off her ass and actually doing something other than sitting around and looking pretty) and even provides them with art supplies and a few real potted plants because - hell, they'll never set foot outside that room again, might as well decorate?

Through what Corrine tells the kids, Cathy seems to realize that their mom is really starting to get into this whole "rich heiress" thing again. She goes to the movies with old friends, possibly goes on dates (though she denies it) and while she claims to be taking a typing class, I really don't believe that in the least. Because that means work. And Corrine doesn't work.

Insert more bland stuff about Cathy and Chris being Kindergarten teachers for the twins, the twins not liking it, and a little note from Corrine about how their's a book for everything. Remember that later, it comes back in a weird way.

So they decorate the attic with paper flowers and ribbons and foam mushroom chairs (what the what???) and even paper animals taped to the wall (there's a bit in here where Corey makes a weird looking orange snail and Carrie makes a giant purple worm that's too long to put here, but it's the only time I really like these kids)

Like most information in this book, it comes at sort of random intervals in an almost stream-of-consciousness kind of way. Cathy tells us about the Grandmother and how she wont go into the attic because according to Corrine, she's claustrophobic because her parents would lock her in a closet when she misbehaved, and I'm legally obligated to put this here..

The Grandmother one days asks them what they do up there, implying some pretty creepy stuff between Cathy and her older brother and ... look, just wait. We all know what's in this book. Just give it some time. Still, Cathy has no idea what she's talking about and - at that point - no, there's nothing going on, Grandma, you're just setting these kids up to live out your creepy incest suspicion fantasies.

Anyway, that one got away from me.
Where were we?

Two months have gone by and the Grandfather isn't dead yet, Chris suggests that they should keep up their studies so their not too behind when they finally get out, and says he's going to attach a bar to the wall in the attic so Cathy can practice her dancing. Cathy takes this idea less than well because you need costumes and music to dance to and runs down the stairs, fantasizing about if she fell and broke her legs and her neck and died and how they'd all be sorry then.

....I need some tea if I'm gonna get through this one

Her mother shows up a few days later with boxes of ballet costumes and records with a note "from Christopher" and, honestly, this is really sweet. It almost makes me forget how much of a creep Chris normally is. This is a genuinely nice thing he does for his sister and I appreciate it. Then he wrecks it by acting like a fuck-boy again two pages later. So that's that.

This chapter is about forty pages long and the only other significant thing is Corey getting locked in a trunk when they're playing hide and seek in the cold-as-hell attic (it is now November) and almost freezing to death. This bit really only serves two purposes,

1. to illustrate just how helpless they are up there if something happens to one of them
and 2. some really early foreshadowing for the next book.

and with that, I'm bringing this to a close. We're nearly done with part one and then maybe something honestly significant will happen.

Flowers in the Attic pt 6 - or "Well that happened."

Hello and welcome back to this Gothic nonsense.

In this chapter, "Momma's Story," we learn the deep dark secrets of the Dollanganger family ... some of them, at least. Depending on how much you read after this, they really just start to pile up.

We rejoin the Doll' family after Corrine reveals that she'd been whipped by The Grandmother, who also took it upon herself to knock the stuffing out of the bratty twins while she was at it.

Instant replay

Naturally everyone's feeling pretty despairing after all that, but Corrine tells them it'll all be fine and it will never happen again. She assures them that she would suffer a hundred times over if it meant living the fifteen years of happiness she spent with their father. They all gather around her and she tells them what really happened - or at least some of it. I'm sure I don't have to say that we'll learn more later. 

" 'This is a strange house, and the people who reside in it are even stranger...' " 

Pretty sure they noticed that already, Corrine...

She says she should have warned them that her parents are both fanatically religious (again, pretty sure they noticed) and gives an example that, while her father is dying, he's still carried to church in a wheelchair or a stretcher every week and gives a tithe of one tenth of his income. Basically buying his way into heaven so he can act like a bastard as much as he wants. 

What a nice guy. 

Also, Corrine talks for about five straight pages, so I'm going to be paraphrasing this a lot. 

She tells them that when she and her older brothers were growing up, religion was forced down their throats and all they were ever told was "be good." They were forced to go to church no matter what, even if they were sick in bed, weren't allowed to go swimming, because it would mean wearing bathing suits, weren't allowed to play any sort of card game - you get the idea. 

" 'Into all of this, a beautiful young man came to live'" 

Guess who. 

Here's where it gets both confusing and, honestly pretty gross. 

Without all the flourishes Corrine adds - never outright saying its her husband until Cathy's narration actually tells us - the "beautiful young man" was Corrine's husband. He was her grandfather's son that he had with a sixteen year old girl named Alicia, when he was fifty-five. 

- take a shot when this is just outright pedophilia

-ahem- where were we?

So Corrine's grandfather died when Christopher (the first one) was three and he and his mother were thrown out of the house by her father. Alicia married again - and then he died - and then Alicia herself died of breast cancer when her son was sixteen. Putting her at about twenty-nine - good lord, these books are tragedy porn. 

Without anywhere else to go, Christopher went to live with his older half-brother and his family - that of course, being Corrine's parents. 

There's about a page and a half about how he looked standing in the sunlight, marveling about what was around him and how Corrine never noticed that she lived in wealth because it was always there around her. None of that should really be surprising, considering what we know about her so far. 

She also explains that her father is a collector of beautiful things and wants to own everything. Considering that one of these things is his, then fourteen year old, daughter, maybe I should bring up that drinking game bullet point up there again. This family is really cringe worthy... 

So she falls instantly in love with him, even though he's her "half-uncle" ( -shot-) and they grow very close over the years and her parents never suspect a thing. They agreed that, right or wrong, they had to marry, and that once Christopher was out of college, they would elope together. 

" 'They sent him to Yale and he was brilliant.' " 

Sorry, there's just something outrageously stupid about how that line is worded. 

Even though "he was brilliant" and graduated in three years, he could never use that degree because it had a different name on it than the one he used when they were married. Should have thought of that before, huh? 

All while she's explaining this, Cathy is getting totally swept away like it's some deeply romantic fairy tale, ignoring ... dude, she married her uncle. 

(note for the prequel - spoiler ahead: they're not just uncle and niece, he's totally her half-brother) 

Once Corrine turned eighteen, the two of them ran off and got married, then came back to explain to her father what happened and that they were deeply in love and ... I'm sure you can guess the outcome. 

" 'My father nearly threw a fit. He raged, he stormed, he ordered us both out of his house, and he told us never to come back, never!' " 

Pretty sure that is throwing a fit...

So that was why she was disinherited, and in order to win back his love, Corrine is willing to do whatever her father wants - no matter what that may be. 

" 'What could he want from you but obedience and a show of respect?' asked Chris in the most somber, adult way, as if he understood what this was all about.

Momma gave him the longest look, full of sweet compassion as her hand lifted to caress his boyish cheek. He was a younger smaller edition of the husband she'd so recently buried." 

Creepy subtext aside, there is some really Freudian shit in this book. 

Corrine assures them that no matter what the Grandparents might say, there is nothing evil about any of them and that they are not the Devil's Spawn/ Issue and the fact that she gave birth two four beautiful, perfect children is proof that there was nothing unholy about her marriage. They promise that they will always be proud of who they are and never believe what their Grandmother might say about them. 

This is actually a nice passage, but it falls a little flat, knowing what's obviously going to happen later on. Even if you haven't read it before, it's clear things aren't going to go that smoothly or this book wouldn't be four hundred pages long. 

She has them all join hands and say that they are perfect and healthy and wholesome and deserving of love in every way. 

Since they obviously can't go on living in that nightmare of a house, Corrine explains that while she's kissing up to her father, she also plans to go back to school and learn to become a secretary so that she can get a job and move all of them out of there, just in case. They would get an apartment nearby, so that she can still visit her father (because, despite not having her kids trapped in an attic, still gotta try for all that money, right?)  She adds that it might take her a while to learn, because she's never had to work before and always expected to have a man to take care of her. 

" 'It's not my fault, really ... When you're born rich, and you're educated in boarding schools only for the daughters of the extremely rich and powerful, and then you're sent to a girls' finishing school, you are taught polite rules of social etiquette, academic subjects, but most of all, you're made ready for the whirl of romance, debutante parties, and how to entertain and be the perfect hostess. I wasn't taught anything practical. ... I knew that they day I turned eighteen we'd be married' " 

( -drink to forget the 50's) 

All the while she's saying this, Cathy is taking in every word and deciding that she'll never need to rely on a man to get by. Despite swearing her love for her mother in the last page or so, she's also angry and blames her for everything that was happening, because if her mother had been working as well when they're father had died, they might not be where they were. 

Gotta hand it to Cathy, when she's right, she's right. 

Before she leaves, Corrine begs her children one last time to be good and not give the Grandmother any reason to punish them and says she loves them all very much. 

She promises to bring them some games the next day, and Cathy wonders how she would afford that. 

Corrine answers a little too quickly and explains that she has a little money from her father, seeing as he wouldn't want her looking like a beggar to their friends or neighbors. 

Corrine leaves for the night and the kids lay in bed thinking about everything they'd just been told and wonder how long it'll really take to get out of that room. They have faith that their mother will do her best by them and they'll be out of there before they know it. 

With three hundred pages left of this book, I really doubt that. 

Flowers in the Attic: Pt. 5 or "Everyone just SHUT UP!"

-Dusts off my blog-
Damn, okay, so that didn't quite work out. To anyone who looks at this - terribly sorry for the hiatus.

I had actually intended on ... actually posting something, but I work in retail, and the months of October to January are what most people might refer to as: Hell.

As for recently, I'm in the middle of moving again, so things have been a little complicated, and also - it's just really hard for me too keep reading this Goddamn book over and over again...

Anyway, show must go on. I found my marked-up copy of this paperback idiocy, I've had a decent enough break from looking at it - on with the show!

Before I get totally into it, I'd like to thank Paperbacks from Hell by Grady Hendrix for getting me back into the spirit. If you don't know what this book is, it's a collection of pulp horror novel artwork done in the 70's and 80's during the paperback horror boom and - let me tell you - some of these, I'm actually dying to get my hands on. They're the dumbest things I've ever seen and would be so much fun to read.
Note: as of writing this, I have found some here and there and have actually read one of them so far. More on that later.


So the title of this chapter is  "The Wrath of God" so we already know we're in for a fun time.

We last left the idiot siblings still locked in their room after exploring the attic and waiting for their mother's arrival. When she finally comes in, Cathy and Chris instantly notice she's moving very stiffly, her face looks pale and she wont look any of them in the eye.
Mum's not doing too great then.

She asks how their day went and immediately the twins start complaining that they were locked in the room, forced to go into an attic and a ton of mediocre things that probably seem like nothing compared to the day their mom had.
To be fair - yeah they're like - three years old.
I don't care, I hate these kids. I hate reading about them. I hate most of their dialogue.

Carrie the moose starts shrieking and hitting and screaming and all the things she's already known for, and Corrine tries to calm her down with little to show for it, when nurse Ratchett shows up.

For the record, the movie from the 80's is a real gem. An insanely campy, terribly melodramatic gem

She commands that Corrine shut her children up that instant (her words, not mine for a change) with a look on her face that suggests she'd do it for her in another few seconds.

To show just how well behaved she is, Carrie goes over to the Grandmother and does this:

"Planting her small feet wide apart, Carrie threw back her head, opened her rosebud mouth and really let go!" 

It's scenes like this that give a perfect example of why I hate this child. I can't do temper-tantrums, and this whole scene has me on the evil grandma's side of this. They're spoiled as Hell and scream whenever they don't like something.

Sorry, I really don't like children.
Let us continue.

The Grandmother grabs Carrie by the hair and lifts her up off the ground, and Cory - the twin I don't hate - takes it upon himself to defend his twin and runs at The Grandmother and bites onto her leg. The Grandmother drops Carrie on the ground and Cory starts kicking her with his tiny little feet.

"...Cory didn't flinch, his only reaction to this very obvious threat was a deeper, more fierce scowl as his small hands knotted into fists raised in professional boxer style." 

Meanwhile I try not to ask why there were so many options when I googled "Boxing hamster" 

They both start screaming and The Grandmother makes it clear she's done fucking around. She starts slapping them both hard enough to send them flying and they go and cower in a corner (still screaming).
While all this has been going on, by the way, neither the older children, nor their mother have done a thing. They're literally all just sitting their watching it. I'll give Corrine a free pass this time (you'll find out why in a minute) but the other two? What's their excuse?

The twins finally stop screaming when their Grandmother actually grabs them both by the scruff and just throws them back on the floor. With as harsh as this is, what she says next really has you kind of agreeing with her:
"... 'Obviously your children have been spoiled and indulged, and are in desperate need of lessons in discipline and obedience... Hear that!'"

I skipped a little in the middle there, I mostly just like the - not a question - "Hear that!" at the end.
And then she says this...

" 'Now take of your blouse, daughter, and show those who disobey just how punishment is dealt out in this house!'" 

So, I lost track of what's been going on in the Dollanganger drinking game, but we're just gonna add:
"Take a shot when something in this book comes out sounding way more sexual than it really needs to" 

So Corrine  tries to reason with her, saying the twins have stopped crying and there's no need for that. However, the Grandmother makes it clear that she wont fall for her daughter's "pretty face and beguiling ways" which really just adds more fodder to that essay - and then calls her a deceitful, lying bit of trash.
Mother of the year, this one.

Speaking of decent parenting, Corrine has a single moment of maybe trying to stand up for herself by telling the Grandmother that if she's cruel to her children (too late) that she'll take them out of the house tonight and the Grandmother will never see any of them again.

I really don't know why she thought this would work.

Cathy gets her hopes up, thinking that they're going to get out of that house and never have to go up in the attic again and ... no.

Predictably, the Grandmother tells Corrine that she can leave and she doesn't care if she never sees any of them again, which - really - Corrine should know better, considering what just happened.

So because she has nowhere else to go and coming to the house was literally the last resort other than....getting a job(?), Corrine doesn't do anything that would get her kids out of a horribly abusive situation and instead ends up doing what her crazy mother says and takes her blouse off, showing them her back, covered in whip marks.

" 'Take a good look, children. Know that those whip marks go all the way down to your mother's feet. Thirty-three lashes, one for each year of her life. And fifteen extra for each year she lived in sin with your father.' "

The Grandmother's full rant goes on to explain that she was the one who actually whipped her even though Corrine's father was the one who ordered the punishment and that her marriage was a sin against God and that she had that many children with him was evil and ... this woman's entire range of dialogue really just is more of the same...

And then we get some more uncomfortable inner monologue from Cathy:

"My eyes bulged at the sight of those pitiful welts on the creamy tender flesh that our father had handled with so much love and gentleness."

Yeah, I always talk about my mother's skin this way - oh wait - no I don't - cause that's fucking weird.

Either way - take a shot.

So this marks the first part of this book where Cathy is filled with hatred and starts vowing revenge on the Grandmother and starts glaring at her, which seems like a great idea, considering.

The Grandmother explains that she'll give the children food and shelter (like a good Christian?) but they can expect no kindness or friendship from her and she would feel nothing but repulsion towards them. She wants them to know that they are the Devil's Issue - which is another phrase that'll come up a lot - and that they're horrible creatures with no hope of redemption and really I'm getting tired of writing the same thing over and over.

Cathy vows that she'll never be made to hate her father and would strike back at the Grandmother someday in any way she can. She looks over at Chris, who is also glaring at the Grandmother but, she realizes, more in anger over what she did to Corrine. Cathy explains that Chris loves Corrine more than the rest of them and puts her on a pedestal of perfection above all others:

"He'd already told me that when he grew up, he'd marry a woman who was like our mother."

You thought I was joking about the Oedipus thing, didn't you?

We end this chapter with Cathy wondering why they were brought to this house, why had their mother thought it would be safe for them, hadn't she known what her parents would be like, why they were brought in the dead of night, etc. etc.

Will we find out the answer to these questions?

Tune in next time and find out!

Flowers in the Attic Pt. 3 "Your Mother eats Raisin Bran in Hell"

Welcome back and here we begin chapter three and if anyone's been wondering why I hate the twins, you'll find out now...

Our chapter begins with our main characters waking up in the cramped and dark room in their Grandparents' giant mansion. A room on the barely used second floor that is - supposedly - the only room in a giant mansion that has it's own bathroom

 - Sorry, I'm still hung up on that. It's just too stupid for me to suspend my disbelief

Most of the first few pages is Cathy waking up and looking around the room, which as I've already said is dark, cramped with excess furniture and the blinds and shutters are closed.

Oh yeah - and there's gruesome paintings of Hell and damnation all over the walls.

Welcome home, kids

Chris the Art Nerd guesses that the paintings are Goya's work and Cathy kind of ignores him because he's a know-it-all. The twins wake up and immediately want to know how they got there, where they are, and start complaining that they don't like it. (There's going to be a lot of that. Gird your loins)

Now maybe I'm not being fair. It's not "the twins" that are annoying. It's only one of them.
Cathy spends a good deal of time talking about them in this chapter and explains that Carrie is always the one to voice her complaints and talk a lot. A. Lot.

She describes that as constantly chattering like a sweet little bird in the mornings, chirping happily. Two pages later she says she sounds like a moose.

Before Carrie can continue her complaining, the Grandmother comes in with a tray of food that she says will have to last them all day, seeing as she can't keep coming up and down the stairs all day, which I guess is fair, she is an old lady, after all and she doesn't want the servants to notice.

She explains that when they are in the bedroom they must be completely silent, so that no one will know they're there, but after the servants are done cleaning in that wing in the mornings, they may go up to the attic where there is room to run around and make noise.

Before she leaves, she gives them a list of all the things they can't do while they're staying in her home and says that even if they try to hide their wickedness, God will see every sin they commit and punish them for it.

Thanks, Grandma. Love you too.

Once she's out of the room they start to divvy up the food for the day and Chris acts like a complete and utter fuckboy when Cory (other twin) pees in a vase because Cathy and Carrie are in the bathroom.

" 'That should teach you to ignore a man in need. We men are not like you sit-down females. Any little thing will do in an emergency.' "

Go choke on your fedora.

Before they can actually eat, Carrie decides to speak up again, and there's a chance that she is not a fan of the breakfast menu:

" 'We-ee don't like bacon and eggs! Cold CEREAL is what we-ee like! We-ee don't want no hot, lumpy bumpy food that's greasy. Cold CEREAL IS WHAT WE LIKE!' she shrieked. 'Cold CEREAL WITH RAISINS!' "

I'm convinced this is what Raisin Bran ads look like in the deepest level of Inferno

Chris gets the two (actually one) of them to shape up and eat their food and after breakfast they look at The Grandmother's list, which basically sums up as:

- Always be fully dressed
- Never take the Lord's name in vain and say grace before meals
- Never open the drapes and look out the windows
- Never speak unless spoken to
- You're evil and the Devil's issue and there's no possible way for me or your Grandfather to love you so you're going to stay up here until he's dead and no one is to know you exist
- Don't waste food
 - Keep the room clean

" '...you are never to be idle. You will devote five hours each day to studying, and use the remainder of your time to develop your abilities in some meaningful way. If you have skills, abilities or talents, you will seek to improve upon them, and if you have no abilities, or talents, or skills, you will read the Bible; and if you cannot read, then you will sit and stare at the Bible, and try to absorb through the purity of your thoughts the meaning of the Lord and his ways."

The hell did I just read?

- Brush your teeth
- Make the beds

"... if I ever catch boys and girls using the bathroom at the same time, I will quite relentlessly, and without mercy, peel the skin from your backs.'"

So, y'know, usual thing.

They get through the list and Cathy starts freaking out that their mother will never win over the Grandfather and they could be trapped in that room forever.

Oh honey...you have no idea.

Chris assures her that, obviously The Grandmother is out of her mind and there's no way they'd actually have to take all of that seriously. He then makes the list into a paper airplane.

The chapter ends with Cathy still despairing over everything, but hoping that Chris is right and the grandfather might eventually have some affection to give his grandchildren.

Tune in next time where we see just how wrong she is~~~

Flowers In The Attic - Pt. 2 "To Nurse Ratchet's house we go!"

Hello and welcome back to the Freudian nonsense known as V.C. Andrews "Flowers in the Attic."

 We last left our narrator, the twelve year old Cathy Dollanganger (seriously my spell check hates me every time I have to write that) and her three siblings being told that they would have to leave their comfortable Pennsylvania home to go and live with their mother's mysterious and obscenely wealthy parents after the death of their father.
Also apparently the Repo! Men are coming for all of their belongings.

Because 50's.

Chapter two opens up with Cathy and Chris having just finished packing their things and getting on a train with their mother and the demon-spawn twins (I do have a reason for hating these two - all will be revealed in due time) and riding off into the night, heading for who-knows-where.

Cathy and Chris spend a good bit of their train time speculating what their lives will be like when they move in with the wealthy grandparents and get to live like royalty.

"And I supposed I'd have my own maid to lay out my clothes, draw my bath, brush my hair and jump when I commanded. But I wouldn't be too stern with her. I would be sweet, understanding,  the kind of mistress every servant desired - until she broke something I really cherished! Then there'd be hell to pay - I'd throw a temper tantrum and hurl a few things I didn't like anyway." 

It's commentary like this that makes it nearly impossible for me to ever feel any kind of sympathy for this character.

"Looking backward to that night on the train, I realize that was the very night I began to grow up..."

The paragraph I just read before this sentence would suggest otherwise.

So they ride along into the dead of night, when finally the conductor comes and tells them their stop is coming up and asks if someone will be there to meet them - because it's the middle of nowhere at three o' clock in the morning.

Corrine, outstanding mother of the year that she is, assures him - after saying she knows the way, and she could find the house in her sleep, and she lives a few miles away - finally says someone will be coming to pick them up. Lady, if you were gonna flat-out lie, maybe do that first?

The train lets them off at a tiny platform and there's no one there to meet them. Obviously.  They begin walking through the woods with Corrine in the lead with the suitcases and Cathy and Chris carrying the sleeping demon four-year-olds.

Corrine explains that she'll drop the kids off that night with their luggage, then walk back to the depot right after and take a train to the next town over, pick up her suitcases, and come back. Because of course. That makes perfect sense, doesn't it?
Cathy's narration claims that it sounded reasonable - but doesn't stop to question why the four of them are being brought to the house in the middle of the night and her mother wants to arrive by herself the next day.
As if that wasn't enough, when the older kids complain that they need to stop and rest, Corrine simply tells them to wake up the twins and make them walk, adding to herself:

"Lord knows they'd better walk outside while they can." 

Jesus, Lady!

Cathy overhears this, feels uneasy, but ultimately gets over that momentary apprehension in the next sentence or so. Nice to see she's so easy going.

After that we get a good bit of exposition about Cathy's family and how charming her mother is and even though Corrine had "fallen from grace" she would surely charm and beguile her father into loving her again and writing her back into his will. She explains that the same routine was used on their father whenever he didn't want to spend money or was upset about something.

It's at this point I would like to point out, I could probably write an entire college essay on how Corrine's only skill is her sex appeal and she uses it on literally every member of her family to try and get what she wants ... but who has the kind of time for that?

After another page and a half of them walking and the twins waking up and complaining that they don't like walking in the woods when it's dark and howling about one thing or another, they finally reach the house and are ushered inside by a tall, imposing old woman wearing grey.

This is our first introduction to "The Grandmother" - and yes, she is referred to that way every single time.

She is described as being very tall and broad with stony grey hair tied in a very tight bun and dressed in grey taffeta with a diamond broach pinned at the throat. So... not the nicest looking lady.

Actually the casting for the movie adaptation from '86 was pretty damn perfect, save for the hair color

Those fans of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" know what I'm talking about.

Also in locating that picture I also found quite a few gifs of The Grandmother smacking the bejeezus out of several different characters, so we have that to look forward to.

The Grandmother leads them upstairs to a large but cluttered and very dark bedroom where the kids get ready for bed and Corrine tries to convince her mother that her children are perfect and wonderful and it's a good thing she can't hear any of Cathy's internal monologue because her argument would be out the window.

Cathy tried to put the sleeping twins in one bed like they had been at their old house, but Grandma Guillotine has a problem with that, claiming that the two older children can't share a bed.  Corrine comes to their defense, claiming they're innocent and that's where we get the clunkiest phrase in the book that we get to hear over and over.

" 'Innocent?' she snapped back with a look so sharp it could draw blood, 'That is exactly what your father and I always presumed about you and your half-uncle.' "


Seriously, there's just something about the phrase "half-uncle" and their constant use of it over and over that... really just doesn't work. It's clunky and really doesn't pack as much of a punch as I think it's supposed to.

Corrine then pleads that if The Grandmother as such a problem with it, then she should give them separate rooms - because lord knows their giant mansion has enough of them, right? But The Grandmother claims that's impossible because this is the only room in the entire house that has it's own adjoining bath, and on that, I'm calling bullshit.

I skipped over a lot of the description in the beginning, but we hear again and again how huge and expansive and maze-like this house is and you're telling me that only one room in the entire thing has a bathroom attached to it?

Anyway, that bit of unbelievable nonsense aside, Corrine then says that her mother should just give the kids the whole wing since it can be locked at the end of the hall and no one uses this part of the floor anyway. Again, sounds reasonable.

Oh wait - before that is when The Grandmother tells them that they're going to be shut in one room for God-knows how long and they can't make any noise and have to keep the twins quiet because their Grandfather can't know that they exist.

Like y'do.

After that horrifying bit of news is dropped on them like an anvil, Corrine tries to reassure them it'll only be one night and then starts pleading for them to have the whole North Wing - which, again, sounds like an argument that should have been had before now.

" 'Corrine, I make the decisions here - not you! Do you think I can just close and lock the door to this wing and the servants wont wonder why?' "

Yes. Because it's your house.

Corrine argues again and The Grandmother starts gnashing her teeth at her... because I guess people really do this - and says to give her time and maybe she can think of a reason to close down the wing.
The kids are obviously worried, but Corrine tries to, once again, reassure them that it'll only before a short time - a week at the most - until she can win back her father's love. This is the exact opposite of what The Grandmother has been saying right in front of them, but hey, kids don't listen to grandma, apparently.
She asks them to be brave and reminds Cathy that her father loved her very much, and so does she, then drifts over to Christopher to whisper something in his ear that'll probably fuel his Oedipus complex even more.

They all say goodnight and get into bed, and that's where the second chapter leaves us.

I'll probably go chapter by chapter with each recap unless absolutely nothing happens in one of them or they're really short. Most of what we've gotten so far has been a lot of exposition with very little action or real events actually happening.

Until next time...